hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
