Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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