the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
zippers are such a cool invention
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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