hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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