She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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