Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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