Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
