I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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