our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
