Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
