Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
