my being single is dangerous.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
