Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we're making bets on your personal life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
