I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
