bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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