I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
