The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
