So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
