So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
