I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
