you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
