Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
