this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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