so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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