Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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