Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
