worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
