i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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