Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
