Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize