I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
