I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize