Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
