I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
