just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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