He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
