Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
