i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
