Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
