wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dignity is for republicans.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
