i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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