it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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