what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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