mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
