you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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