I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize