At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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