i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
