Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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