I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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