Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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