i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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