I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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