Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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