There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize