Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
