she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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