If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
