He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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