he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize