if you like me you must not know who I am
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
