Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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