I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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