Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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