i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
