I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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