Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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